EMD Hates Spiders: A /Dev Transcript
In the deep bowels of dev, past the malevolent spider Earl and through the 10 sets of security doors, lies the Dev crew: Me (The Almighty Creator), Bizkut, Enemy Lasagna, Evilmetaldork, Fyriole, and Satan. Mostly we're working on our secret projects, but on Monday, August 25th, 2008, we had a hilarious discussion about EMD's favorite thing: spiders! My (again, TAC) commentary is in bold blue.
Some of the conversation has been restructured to make more sense, and some spelling has been corrected. No, we weren't taking spoilers, so pretty much the whole conversation is intact except for some random hahas or >_
[Before this discussion started, we were talking about classic adventure games (after I made a terrible Sam and Max joke). I mentioned how EL was cool because he had played Grim. EL noted that EMD had played it too, but she quickly denied this, saying below.. -TAC]
evilmetaldork: ... I have grim fandango I just haven't played it
evilmetaldork: I've had it for four years
The Almighty Creator: Get the gasoline EL :P
The Almighty Creator: I mean spiders.
Bizkut: Eeeek, spidersss
evilmetaldork: fuckity hell
[EMD is slightly famous on the dev team for her phobia of spiders. It isn't severe, but it's still bad. -TAC]
Enemy Lasagna: are you kidding, I want her to want me in rather than run from me
Enemy Lasagna: bizkut, you scared of spiders too?
Bizkut: I fucking hate spider webs
The Almighty Creator: Hey, if it's any consolation, Earl is housed separately from dev himself. He's just sort of in close proximity.
[Earl is a bit of an inside joke. As I remember, we were discussing creepy camel spiders on The Soul Raver Show. We decided to make one called Earl to protect our forums and prey on the haxros who try to get into the dev forum. -TAC]
Bizkut: And if the spider startles me, I hate it
evilmetaldork: gross gross gross gross gross gross
Bizkut: But I'm not scared if I locate it before it's like, on me.
Enemy Lasagna: I see
Enemy Lasagna: poor emd
Enemy Lasagna: she's a classic arachnophobe
Bizkut: I bet she didn't like Eight-legged freaks. Then again, I didn't either, because it was a shitty movie.
[Agreed, Biz. -TAC]
evilmetaldork: Didn't see it
Enemy Lasagna: Though if it's any consolation, our camel spider Earl is more comparable to a scorpion.
The Almighty Creator: Yeah.
The Almighty Creator: He's an 8 legged freak.
The Almighty Creator: Oh wait, shit.
[My awful joke left chat silent for a whole 5 minutes. -TAC]
evilmetaldork: wtf you guys.
evilmetaldork: seriously you guys wtf.
The Almighty Creator: Sorry EMD.
The Almighty Creator: It's just we get started and yeah..
Enemy Lasagna: And, I love our guardian camel spider Earl.
Bizkut: We need to make emd her own chat censoring system
evilmetaldork: replace spider with ice cream please.
Enemy Lasagna: damn it, there's ice cream all over me!
The Almighty Creator: Bwahaha
Bizkut: Man, that ice cream was eating the fly, and it was AMAZING.
The Almighty Creator: That ice cream just bit me!
Enemy Lasagna: ok guys, that's enough
Enemy Lasagna: we can only scare her so much
Enemy Lasagna: emd, we love you really
[The dev team members have repeated this more then once. Mostly because we don't want EMD to leave forever and ruin us (her art is vital!) -TAC]
The Almighty Creator: Yeah
Bizkut: Oh shit, I just spillt a tank of ice cream over me.
Bizkut: Okay, done.
The Almighty Creator: Bwhaha
The Almighty Creator: I'm sorry EMD
The Almighty Creator: It's just that Bizzy R Funneh
[Damn intern. -TAC]
[I take a shower. Nothing happens. -TAC]
Bizkut: LIVE DAMNIT, LIVE
evilmetaldork: you fuckers.
Enemy Lasagna: are you ok?
evilmetaldork: i was off MAKING SURE THERE WERE NO SPIDERS ON ME
The Almighty Creator: wow
Enemy Lasagna: seriously?
Enemy Lasagna: you know we don't mean any harm right?
evilmetaldork: lol, I don't care.
Enemy Lasagna: excellent
[EL always says excellent. I suspect he is a mad scientist. -TAC]
evilmetaldork: I don't care about imaginary spiders.
evilmetaldork: if there were real spiders in the room then I would have been yelling
Enemy Lasagna: I wish I could see your expression when I said I had ice cream all over me
Enemy Lasagna: are you one of those people who jump at the site of a piece of fluff that looks like a spider?
evilmetaldork: if it's on me, I'll freak, if its near me, I'll squint at it and ready a book
evilmetaldork: until I determine what it is
Enemy Lasagna: awww, that sounds cute for some reason
Enemy Lasagna: my mind is morbid
evilmetaldork: I think my favorite one was when I was in a car, trying to park
evilmetaldork: and something landed on me
evilmetaldork: and I was like 'ew a bug'
The Almighty Creator: And then you saw one on the pedal and slammed it!
[Everyone noticed, but they didn't think it was funny D: -TAC]
evilmetaldork: until I noticed it was a spider
evilmetaldork: and then I was like FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCk
Enemy Lasagna: then what?
evilmetaldork: and then I brushed it off
evilmetaldork: and then I was like
Enemy Lasagna: that's adorable
evilmetaldork: OH FUCK THERE'S A SPIDER IN MY CAR
The Almighty Creator: Well, EL, her car would have rushed into solid brick at 40 miles an hour.
Satan: TAC's the realist here. why am i not surprised :p
[Well, hey, you can't blame me. -TAC]
Enemy Lasagna: awwww
Enemy Lasagna: what did you do next?
Enemy Lasagna: and escape?
evilmetaldork: sorry, that's the end of the spider story
The Almighty Creator: [escape] From the wreckage?
The Almighty Creator: Yes, EL.
evilmetaldork: yes escape from the burning wreckage
Satan: next, she sacrificed the spider to me.
Enemy Lasagna: ah well, it's still an adorable story
evilmetaldork: oh, I've got a shit ton of spider stories
evilmetaldork: don't worry
[On the next installment of "Spiders.php"... -TAC]
Enemy Lasagna: I would love to know if each is as cute as that one
evilmetaldork: they all involve cussing
Bizkut: Don't tell them all at once, you might send El into a "That's adorable" overload.
evilmetaldork: well if you think HORRIBLE AND SCARRING is cute then yeah...
evilmetaldork: lol, it's more like CUSS and RUN
Bizkut: I can only take so much of El calling something cute.
Enemy Lasagna: for some reason I find the idea of you in fear cute...
Enemy Lasagna: meh, I don't know what's wrong with me
Bizkut: Awww, EL wuves EMD. EL and EMD sitting in a tree, W-R-I-T-I-N-G
Watch this page for more spider stories from dev chat! -TAC